Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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