Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
