dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Is it because I queefed?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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