It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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