I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
