my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
