He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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