I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who died my cat blue again?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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