Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
