Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
