She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize