i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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