Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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