I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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