You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
