There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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