if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
True strength comes from lack of pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
