Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
