Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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