I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
