picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This can only be settled by a dance off.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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