just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
