I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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