I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
