I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
