Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
