what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
