I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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