I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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