I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A bitchslap is in order.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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