Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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