So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
