omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
two words: eviction party
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
