he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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