is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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