You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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