Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
