Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
