Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
accomplished twins. life is a go
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
