I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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