her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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