If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
