The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
