Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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