a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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