I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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