I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
