I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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