Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
