He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
