dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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