don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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