I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Four minutes until I can fart!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
