He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
