how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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