I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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