If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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