Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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