someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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