He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
