i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
