Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
