I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
