So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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