but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
