I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
