She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
