cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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