Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Still dying that you shit outside
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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