Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize