She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
